Monday, February 27, 2006

tabloids a-watching

While on the subject of tabloids – they seem to have developed a strange fad lately - belly watching. Anywhere you turn, scores of magazines stare back at you with what they think is a catchy phrase “is she or isn’t she?” And then there are those inevitable photos of midriffs covered in loose folded fabric, where if you have a magnifying glass and lots of imagination you can supposedly see a bump.

Does that mean that the moment a woman wears a loose dress she is hiding a belly? Or that anytime a woman looks puffy, she is pregnant? Ironically these are the same magazines that obsess when stars get too thin. No wonder they do. With all those flashes on their stomachs they must be terrified to put anything in or around them, be it food or babies.

And the accuracy of those reports is impressive. Just think of the scientific miracles they have brought us. Such as Jennifer Lopez. It is obviously time for the National Geographic to do a special on her, for she is setting a new pregnancy record -- she’s been pregnant every other week, in one tabloid or another, ever since she got married a year and a half ago.

There used to be concepts like tact, consideration, and other noble qualities that seem to have gone the way of the dinosaur. Now the fact that most women do not announce pregnancy because of fear of miscarriage is wasted on the press. Which is strange, considering how many women tabloid-editors there are. I guess it’s true -- power corrupts.

So why do they keep doing it? Apparently these “bump watches” sell magazines. And there I thought that procreation is a sufficiently common thing for us to get used to by now.

People, if Jennifer Lopez gets pregnant, it’s not a miracle! It’s nature. Happens every day. So let her be. When she gets pregnant, she’ll have enough to deal with as it is.

And if you want to shock me into caring, please call me when Marc is the one showing the bump.


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